Something in the Air

This is my favourite time of year, Autumn. I love the foggy mornings that burn into blue sky days, the smell of wood smoke, the stars twinkle more because of the cold air, frosty mornings that make the grass look stripey and cobwebs sparkle in the sunshine, feeling warm and cosy indoors, snuggling up close to the one you love and feeling their warmth, the glow of lights from cosy front rooms, the leaves changing into blazes of colour, conkers and berries, walking in the woods and kicking the leaves, the knowledge that Bonfire night is coming and then Christmas. I can feel the seasons changing, I always have been able to. I felt Autumn coming at the end of August this year. Autumn brings with it something else for me. It's a good feeling, a calm feeling, like coming home or a memory that is just out of reach. It's very hard to explain. It's in my entire body and it's familiar, but I don't know what it is. I normally get something similar this time of year but this year it's so strong. I feel at peace. I know the chemotherapy has enhanced my other senses, my hearing is very sensitive at the moment and so is my other sense, so in tune at the moment. Perhaps that is why I am feeling this so powerfully this year. I am inclined to say that it's a memory of a past life, that is the closest that I can get to describing it. Familiar but I can't quite remember. A ghost of a memory. With it comes the feeling of anticipation, of waiting for something to happen. I have always said that when I go back, it will be in October or November. I have a funny feeling that when I go back, it will be for the last time, that I will have learnt all my lessons. Maybe that is what it is, of being called home, of feeling safe and back from where I came. I am not afraid to go, but I have no plans to go just yet. This angel hasn't finished her work here yet.